You can absolutely fuck your system up doing crazy shit with Linux, but it all reads like ‘I was exploring the uncharted cave, and did some dumb shit when i found a bear. So anyway, I found myself five hundred feet down impaled on a three different stalactites with one broken limb and two more completely crushed by a boulder, the cave starting to flood, and a justifiably angry bear waiting for me the way i came in. Didnt get back out like 6 am thanks the monsoon+sharknado. I had my trusty knife and my hair was long enough i could braid it into a serviceable rope, so I got out, but remember I hadnt sharpened it in a while and one of my arms was broken, plus I ran into a concentration camp on my way here so obviously I had to liberate that¹, and thats why i seem kind of tired today, thinking of skipping lunch in favor of a nap.’

Windows: “hello, 911? I slept with my pillow an inch to the left and I can’t move now and my cpap machine is still working so I can breathe, thank God, but at least one possibly both lungs are punctured. Please send help. Oh god so much blood. I hope you’re close.”

¹with one functioning limb a now very dull knife and a few meters of hair-rope