Ia, Shub Niggurath!

The cassowary was the only thing in the zoo that Steve Irwin seemed a little bit scared of. There’s an episode where the cassowary got loose and he immediately stopped joking around and told all the keepers to go get the shields to corral it back into its pen. I wouldn’t dream of fucking around with a cassowary.

Fuck that, I’ve been in close proximity to ostriches and emus and they one hundred percent seem like dinosaurs.

But that’s not a convincing proof.

I understand that this looks like a pretty good setup for a Final Destination movie.

probably brewing tea in their tank

Definitely brewing tea in their tank.

Map the tonal range of the human voice from 00000, the lowest-pitched, to 99999, the highest-pitched. Sing a note into your microphone that corresponds to your postal code.

EDIT: Make it a Base-36 range so as to allow letters A-Z when they are used in postal codes.

The chain emails copied it out of Reader’s Digest.

Perhaps you could get AMD to pay you $35 billion for the hypothetical potential of amusement later on.

I’ll absolutely grant that hammering is a skill that can be improved upon and that a skilled hammerer is quite the thing to behold. I think of the times I’ve seen experienced blacksmiths banging away for hours with forearms that look like Popeye’s, barely breaking a sweat. So yes, there’s a skill tree to be developed.

That said… a lot of people seem to have an idea that using tools, or even more broadly the inherent strength of their own bodies, is somehow beyond their ability, and a lot of the time that’s just beginners’ jitters. Absent of a particular physical limitation, most people probably can learn how to effectively use a hammer (or a hand saw, or a screw gun, or a crow bar, or any number of useful items) within a couple minutes. It’s our collective mistake for teaching people that they haven’t got ready access to those skills and strengths.

Growing a moustache is pure genetic luck, and you can learn how to swing a hammer in about thirty seconds.

Oh my god, I wonder if the cow pooped in there during the shoot. I’ve seen cows poop for what seemed like a minute straight.

Great, who’s going to go tell Richard Feynman?

This is good advice, but every so often I’ll screw up and put some grounds in before I think to tare the scale, so what I’ve done is put a little label on my French press that says how many grams it weighs when empty. That way, if I find myself in that situation, I can do the math of how much the press and grounds should all weigh together.

100 meters of Lego bricks?

In this economy?

https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/3137:_Cursed_Number

“It’s arguably okay to use cocaine for silly purposes so long as everyone knows you’re using it, but cocaine should never replace paid, qualified experts.”