Hossenfeffer

Ah, yes, that also makes sense.

SW stands for Soft Wankers.

I remember a sports day at primary school (I’d have been about 8 years old for those who don’t understand ‘primary school’). There was a 1500m race. I was so last that the guy in 2nd last didn’t even know I was there and he gave up and started walking to the finish. I was still, just about, doing what I called running. My zombie-shuffle-run was faster than his walk! I could see him ahead of me. I would catch him before the line! I would overtake him! I would not be last for once!

Then the assembled parents noticed me. The bastards started cheering me on. The guy in front of me was clearly confused. Looked around. Saw the parents weren’t cheering him on. They were looking behind him. He glanced back. Saw me plodding after him. Urged his legs into a lumbering gallumph.

He beat me.

I was last again.

Fuck you for supporting me, you absolute shower of cunts!

Edit to reflect: I’m 59 and that memory is still clear as a bell in my head. Among other not so great ones…

Moon Moon would be more like: “Ima cooshun! Im comfy!”

God dammit, Moon Moon! Not again!

Budget Dr. Who, aka Medical Student Who.

My dog goes outside to piss and shit. He’s a very good boy.

Sure, I’ll take him out for walks once I’m up but, to be honest, I need the exercise as much as he does.

14-year old me wanted to be that guy so much.

Now you tell me! Where were you back then?

I had a Corolla. A mid ‘80s model. Lasted me for years until the radiator went.

Took it to my local mechanic who said: “That fucker’s fucking fucked!”

In the face of such deep technical knowledge (and the fact that the work would have cost more than the car was worth at that point), I reluctantly let it go to scrap.

I am all cm0002 on this blessed day.

The US may be big, but the UK had more centuries of existence before the unifying effect of national TV and radio.

This wikipedia article boldly asserts that “The UK has the most local accents of any English-speaking country” but the claim is [citation needed].

you might hear about 3 or 4 different accents in San Francisco, and then hear 5 or 6 totally different ones in Los Angeles.

Pffft. I have a different accent to my wife. And my dog.

How very perspicacious. That is how I live my life!

Bottom row. Second from right. Please and thank you.

Best burger in the world is an Oklahoma onion burger and they’re not overstuffed!

Am I… am I your dad?

Spring surprise!

Instructions unclear.

I am in so much pain right now.

We are all Jessica on this blessed day.