“I’ve got” seems particularly strange to me because without the contraction Americans would still just say “I have.” (There are some circumstances where they’ll say “I have got” without a contraction, but it’s mainly when they’re drawing a contrast with what they “haven’t got.” E.g., “No, I don’t have a baseball… oh, but I have got a lacrosse ball, will that work?”)

I think the rule is probably closer to “you don’t contract a stressed verb,” but that’s not terribly useful since there are so few rules about stress patterns. Verbs at the end of sentences are typically stressed, though, so you’re right that ending with that kind of contraction is going to sound wrong to most people.

I think it might be more common in British English? Like “I’ve a fiver says he muffs the kick.” Or “I’ve half a mind to go down there myself.” (Curiously in American English this latter would probably still have the contraction but add a second auxiliary verb: “I’ve got half a mind to…” English is such a mess.)

I’m reminded of the whole “I have been a good Bing” exchange. (apologies for the link to twitter, it’s the only place I know of that has the full exchange: https://x.com/MovingToTheSun/status/1625156575202537474 )

Good questions. I don’t know, and I can no longer try to find out, as the mods have now removed the comment. (Sorry for the double-post–I got briefly confused about which comment you were referring to and deleted my first post, then realized I’d been frazzled and the post in question really was deleted by the mods.)

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Basically this: https://www.psychdb.com/cognitive-testing/clock-drawing-test

M-x psychoanalyze-pinhead

Obligatory XKCD: https://m.xkcd.com/1428/

For those like me who had to look it up, Bazzite.